They're sick of it all and they're bankrupt on selling.

the bafflings of a nobody

Writer's Block: More Island Time
You're packing your bag for that other desert island—the one with no electricity—what 5 books do you take with you?

1. Veronika Decides to Die : Paolo Coelho
2. Rant : Chuck Palahniuk
3. My huge collection of Poe... that only counts as one, right?
4. Good Night Moon!!!
5. Choke : Chuck Palahniuk (obviously have to finish my current book!)

Veronika Decides to Die has kind of definitely changed my life. It's an amazing story and... yeah... it really changed something inside of me after I read it. It's the best book I've ever read. Thanks to Raya for lending it to me.

Rant is just an overall great book. It's hilarious and gross and racy and perfect. It's Jake's copy that he got in Paris, which I never plan on returning to the bastard. Oh, give up, you twat. You stole my hoodie and my FF VII. Well, my second copy of it. Who knows what else you've taken.

I lovelovelove Poe. He's dark and gloomy and that's right up my alley. I love the emotion in his work. Even if I don't understand the wording and phrasing, it still can settle well inside my mind. Sadly enough, we do share a lot of the same emotions.

Good Night Moon. The most... just the best book in the world. End of story.

I'm reading Choke right now, and I seem to like it. It's such a unique and interesting plot. Chuck Palahniuk is quickly turning into one of my favorite authors. I really enjoy Hunter S. Thompson, too. But I wouldn't take Fear and Loathing with me to the desert island. It would remind me of the drugs I couldn't have.

I mean seriously. How do you pass time on a desert island without drugs? Pshhh.

All the things you say, the way you shift your eyes.
Pensamientos para hoy: parte uno.

I have so much anxiety over this harmonium. Godddd I neeeed this! Maybe if I don't win it, my mother will still get one twice the price on eBay. For some reason, she wants to buy me something. :D It's from between 1880 and 1895, made in Paris. It's super damaged, but it's soooo gorgeous! Picture at the end. SHIT NO. FUCKER'S BIDDING ON IT. I hate eBay.

I can't stop thinking about my uke! Raya named it for me: Pookie Ukie. :] I'm doing some recording atm. A very Beirut-ish song with ukulele, mandolin, cello, and auxillary percussion. I always want to play it. Lol I fell asleep with it next to me... two nights in a row. Hopefully this will be a good song. I've been starting a lot recently and not finishing them. Only laying down maybe one or two tracks, then calling it quits. Well, not exactly quits. But forgetting about it, for sure.

I MISS FINAL FANTASY. I'm gonna get back into that shit tonight. Video games before bed = win.

Today we had a half day. It went by quickly--obviously.

I got a fucking 95 on my orchestra test, which I am BEYOND irritated by. Just because of those stupid fucking sforzandos. Second hour was mostly a fart joke elongated to a ninteen-minute class period. I lovelovelove Spanish class. Even more, the language. Raya and I were talking about it today. I want to speak it for a whole day; no English. She's obsessed with Spanish culture right now, which I really admire. I wish I could get into, and stay into, something so cool. Third hour was fun. I talked to Al.

I miss Al. Fifth grade left harsh feelings between us for our middle school depature, but I really like talking to him now. I think we could be moderately good pals. I'll keep talking to that kid. Maybe some time I'll have him come over to record some ukulele. Or is that just too... weird? Maybe we should go somewhere together instead, maybe with like Elisha or something.


Fourth hour was awkward as hell with three sophomores that don't even remotely know each other and a generally awkward teacher. Enough said. Fifth hour was also weird, but it was tutorial, so it didn't matter. I can't focus to read anymore. Sixth hour was a joke. Fucking notes. Leave it to world history to be the most ridiculously awful class.

Music tech was great. I started a string quartet, though that was only right before the bell rang. Ellen suggested I go to this camp at this one college. It's a musical composition camp. "Highly recommended," Ellen belts. If you pay for the whole thing, you get a week-long on-campus life learning marvelous things about marvelous... things. It's eight hundred dollars. Maybe that can replace Blue Lake FAC this summer. I have summer school to do, anyway. Wanna get some classes out of the way so I don't have to take the elongated version during the school year.

Sean drove me home. I dislike his friends. Except this one girl. But it's a girl... and I'm a hypocrite to be jealous. I suppose I'm not, just protective? His friends were total jerks to me, and I can't just forget that. But yeah, he drove me home and I took a nap. Good nap. Philly is a great cuddler.

I'm freaking out about this whole friends thing. I feel that whole thing with Raya about how she's embarrassed by/annoyed/doesn't want to hang out with me is getting worse. Then this Charlotte thing, where she's starting to be more irritable towards me. Whenever we have plans to do something, she suddenly "gets sick." But she wouldn't lie about that... would she? Shit, man. I have to finish my conversation with Sean, too. Fuckkkkk! Not fml, however.

Looking at Arabic and Indian instruments on eBay makes my goal even more important to me. I really do want to collect as many instruments as I can. Raya has an oud--from Syria, NOT Lebanon--in her basement and on AIM video chat she showed me. For some reason I couldn't stop laughing. I suppose it's just because she looked so funny/cute/Arab when she attempted to play it.

I'm tired. Another nap? Probably good night.

Busson Brevete S.G.D.G. Paris harmonium, 1880-1895.

Writer's Block: Desert Island Time (Hayden Christensen get in my pants!)
You're packing your bag for that magical desert island that happens to have electricity, a TV, and a DVD player—what five DVDs do you take with you?
My pirated versions of Amelie--both my friend and I would totally go gay for Audrey Tatou; Into the Wild--breathtaking story; and Revenge of the Sith--my personal favorite out of all the Star Wars episoes. My boyfriend's copy of Take The Money And Run--a marvelous Woody Allen film--and FINALLY a legitimate copy of something I own, Amadeus. Shit... my sister stole that...

I'm gonna go in-depth.

Amelie was the last film I watched in my film literature class last semester. It made me embrace my French heritage and long to speak the language and live the culture. A charming girl in her twenties, plays both match- and mischief-maker at the same time. It's a beautiful film. There is so much detail and art put into it. Even though it's something you have to read subtitles for, it is worth every second. It made me cry.

Into the Wild--another one I watched in my film lit class--is a moving tale about a boy, who knows himself as Alexander Supertramp, who ventures out from his [West?] Virginian, wealthy home. He destroys everything he has and lives amoung other people and their help. He meets such marvelous characters, wildlife, scenery, and embraces adventure with astronomical chances to defeat forces against him. The filming is also key, projecting a strong story into strong images. It made me cry, once again.

Revenge of the Sith, the third episode in the Star Wars saga, is one of my favorite movies. With a very attractive pair of leading men (Hayden Christensen, get in my pants? Ewan, you're next on my list.), though the acting is not as geniune as the original IV through VI episodes, the story is so redeeming. It's too much to explain without having to go into the other parts of the series, but the plot of this episode is the heaviest and most important. It shows the weakness of man and the transformation of soul. It made me cry. Lol, once again!

Take the Money and Run is simply a riot. A hilarious Woody Allen mockumentary and bulingsdroman about Virgil Starkwell (sp?) and his outcasted nature. Wanting to fit in with other children, and having a passion for crime (petty theft, etcetera), Virgil grows up to be quite the troubled man. He goes to jail and during that sentence, he encounters countless priceless scenarios. A must-see for those who enjoy personally wetting themselves. Did not cry.

Finally, Amadeus.  It is the chronicle of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart's life.  An eccentric genius unknowingly battles against a withering man (both physically and mentally... more mentally) for the title of the greatest European composer.  Without summarizing his life, I will tell you that he was both a childish, irresponsible fool, and a strong and passionate man.  A love story, a hate story, an art story, and a philosophical story; every aspect of it pulls together to become one of my favorite movies of all time.  It can make me cry, but not usually.

Done with the babble!

EDIT:  I'd pick Pan's Labyrinth instead of TTMAR.  For every reason.  I simply adore that film.

Pas si simple.
Today was kind of a shitty day. Last night I spent most of my time whining to Raya, emptily and blankly telling her that I feel like nobody wants to be my friend. Telling her that her friends make me feel so self-conscious, and how I feel like an idiot after I say anything. I feel alright around Emily and Emma, but that's it. I feel like the rest of her friends think I'm weird and obnoxious and smell bad, etcetera. They seem judgemental, which is in essence judging them. But I still feel that way.

Like at lunch, when Charlotte and I jokingly creep on Raya--because we both think she's pretty much the coolest friend either of us have--her friends show hints of annoyance and distaste when they find us staring at her with outrageous faces. I feel like they're a lot cooler than I am. Not more popular exactly. Well, maybe. It's strange, because Raya isn't. Wow that sounds awful. I mean like, I don't know. Not a tool. Not saying her friends are tools. Wow what am I saying?

I don't feel like she really wants to be around me. I feel like she's embarrassed when I talk to her around her friends. I try to be myself around anyone, but that leaves me looking like a fool. But then again, she is very hard to read. She's the most mysterious person I know. I don't know what's going on. I'll talk to her about this tomorrow.

My novel isn't going all too well. I've lost the swing of it, which really kills me. I don't know where to start back up again. I have the whole story in my head and want to tell the world, but it just isn't coming out. Okay, maybe not the world. But my friends. Not people I don't know. Well, maybe. Because why should I care if they judge my book by its cover?

I need to chill out on the judgement paranoia.

EDIT: A long and emotional talk with Raya about some things I feel revealed that Kelly--Raya's friend who absolutely hates Charlotte and me--told her I'm nice on Friday! We talked a lot about my feelings on another topic. Jesus H., I really need to figure myself out. It's consuming me.

I need to sculpt myself into who I am going to be for the rest of my life. Especially now. And I can't do that while I'm trying to help someone else do the same thing.

Writer's Block: If Animals Could Talk
If you could ask your pet any question (and they could answer you), what would it be?
What a great question. I'd ask my older cat, Philly: "Why do you throw up all over this house every day?" And to my younger cat of the same breed, Burmese, I would have to ask: "Why do you eat up Philly's barf?"

I could have meant it if you let me.
I had a Livejournal at one point a few years ago, but I ended up abandoning it and forgetting the information. It was a tool-esque username, anyway. Oh, how I love the subphases of life. Well well well. Where should I start? I won't start on specific days; I'll talk about specific subjects. I'll pick my instruments of interest for today.

On Thursday, my ukulele came! Sunday I had ordered a concert uke from Not a site I would recommend for more ethnic or individual-style instruments. Very generic with prices disguised as extreme bargains. I can't help but buy a gorgeous instrument that I have not yet possessed. The GHS strings were rather shitty, so today I went to Guitar Center and bought some Martin ones.

Friday, I stuffed it into my mandolin case, seeing as a ukulele bag/case is absent atm, and brought it to school. Good thing my locker is tiny, otherwise I could have fit it in there! I brought it to orchestra and played for a little while. I wasn't very ecstatic about the reactions. "Wtf why did you bring a ukulele." was the most common response. Oh well. Lunch seemed to be better. Much better.

I had been talking to Al, my old fourth-grade friend (lol don't even askkkk about our type of friendship then), about my uke and the excitement that came along with it. He suggested I jam with him at lunch one day, so yeah. I did. We didn't get--or at least I didn't notice--any weird looks or anything of the sort. We actually had a lot of supportive and fun comments. People were interested and one girl asked if she took requests. LOL mind you this is after three hours of learning.

I can't wait until I get around to recording something with uke in it. I'm thinking about proposing the idea to Charlotte about a violin-ukulele-mandolin trio. Charlotte: violin; Al: uke; myself playing mando. I have a lot of recording equipment and a very amateur-yet-functioning setup. I record on my computer to the program called REAPER, with two condenser mics, four dynamic drum mics, two mixers, and a good ol' Tascam Portastudio. I have a feeling Charlotte will laugh and crush my hopes, but I know Al would totally dig that.

Lately, I've been really into foreign and more ethnic instruments. I'm eyeing a harmonium on eBay right now. In case you don't know, a harmonium is like a mini mini mini piano, but you pump the bellows to emit the marvelous sound. I first saw it at $ 20.29, with only twenty-five dollar shipping (which is actually a good price for a heavy instrument) and four/five-ish days left. It would be so great if I could get that. It would make my recording and overall musical experiences all the better.

About a month ago, I bought a ukelin. "WTF IS THAT?!" Good question. It's a bowed zither AND a chordophone laid out on a table in front of you. Basically, you bow it and play chords. At the same time. While the left hand is strumming the preset D, F, G, or C chords, the right hand is bowing a note in the key of C/Am. It has thirty two strings and is tuned with a piano key. Two sound holes and absolutely breathtaking tone. I can't even describe its magnificence. Mine is from 1928. *smiles proudly*

I've gotten back into the hang of my mandolin. It's great. I'm pretty sure I am the only person I know that can play said instrument. I keep confusing the uke and mando chords. But guitar is like breathing to me; I'll never forget a single chord.

ALSO MY MOM BOUGHT ME A JEW/JAW HARP. LOL. It's called "Snoopy's Harp." Hey... it was like five bucks.

Done for now? Oh, I suppose so. Love photos, do you?

Here's my uke.

Here's the harmonium.

Here's my ukelin.

Here's my mandolin.

Here's the jaw harp.


Log in